Spoiler alert: Unlike me, my husband doesn’t live for travel.
We don’t have the same passions.
I LOVE travel. If I have spare money I want to book a trip. If I don’t have any money I want to book a trip. You get the idea. I’m all for adventure. I’d quite happily up and leave my home to set up base in another country. The unknown excites me (so long as a new destination is involved).
My husband on the other hand, likes travel but he’s happy with one big holiday a year and a few little ones thrown in provided the costs aren’t too steep. And the idea of moving abroad feels him with dread – too many uncertainties.
My passion is travel and his is music. He has a regular day job, but he’s also in a few bands. He’s fortunate enough to get paid to perform.
^^Header image and above image from our wedding by the lovely Julie Anne Images^^
I’m in a fair few travel groups on Facebook and I’ve lost count of the times that someone writes about how much they love their boyfriend/girlfriend, but they feel torn because their partner hates travel.
The replies usually go along the lines of how he/she obviously isn’t the one if they aren’t willing to sell their home and belongings for a life on the road. These complete strangers tell the poster to immediately split up with their partner all for the sake of travel. They fill the comment boxes with reams of negative words dressed up as empowering messages of support.
You have to admire the ferocity of their passion. They love travel and as far as they’re concerned everyone else should. There should be no compromise, middle ground or even pause for thought.
If I listened to their advice I’d be heading for divorce, but I think a little differently.
How I See It
Sure, it’s massively frustrating when I see an amazing flight deal and want to instantly book a trip and he says no. However, it doesn’t mean that I threaten to change the locks. Yeah, my mouse hovers over the book button and I longingly refresh my screen in the hopes of a sudden price drop to sway him, but then I pull myself together.
To me life isn’t black and white and where there’s a will, there’s a way. I’m Little Miss Optimistic and firmly in the camp that if you want something you can make it happen. So, what happens in those scenarios?
Well, I still get the adventure. I guess you could say I get my own way…
I go on my own, with someone else or he changes his mind. Simply shelving the trip isn’t an option for me.
Sometimes we’ll sit and have a chat about why he doesn’t want to go and for the most part it’s because he hasn’t really got the full picture. He lives for the moment and often hasn’t even considered where he’d like to visit next. And let’s be honest, it’s not his priority to research new places. To him that’s a chore, whereas to me that’s fun.
Sometimes he’s not familiar with the destination I’m suggesting or has a preconceived idea about it, so I fill in the blanks or rewrite the blurb he’s read elsewhere.
Should I have to do that? No, I guess not but I like the challenge and we always have a great time once we go somewhere. I get giddy in the lead up to the trip, excitement spilling out from me as soon as I wake up. Whereas he doesn’t believe something is really happening until he’s there. On the trip itself I can get a little stressed out if things don’t go to plan and I find navigating maps hard work, but he’s great at those things. He’s always the one that pulls me back into the excited whirlwind and makes sure the trip is amazing.
Our differences are not just related to our interests. I’m more flippant and want everything yesterday, whereas he’s more sensible and patient. You see we’re opposites and for the most part we balance each other out.
Sometimes it’s just the timing that doesn’t work. He’d rather save all the money and then book, whereas I’m always keen to book straight away to get the good deal, but to also know it’s definitely going to happen.
Let’s turn it the other way round. His biggest passion is music. I like music, but I can’t say it’s one of my top three interests. And get this – I hate the genre of music he’s into. His bands? Totally not my cup of tea. The shows I choose to support are the ones in foreign countries where I use it as an excuse to visit a new place.
I totally respect his choices and really admire his talents. How anyone can play the drums, guitar, sing, produce and edit blows my mind. However, his music really doesn’t do much for me.
Does it mean we shouldn’t be together? No, not in my opinion and we’ve been married for five years and together for about nine, so we must be doing something right. You don’t have to like the same things. I don’t want to be in someone’s pocket 24/7.
For the Love of Travel
Part of the joy of travelling for me is the variety, the challenges and the fact that it’s always different. I think that’s one of the reasons we work so well. We each bring different qualities to the table and have our own individual lives if you like. We’re not just Mr and Mrs Taylor. I’m Char and he’s Jay and if for whatever reason the relationship went down the pan we’d still have a life.
It’s not over for me when he still says no to my earmarked trip. I don’t solely rely on him to live my life. Just like I’m happy to travel without my children, I still go without him. Sometimes I go with my sister or a group of friends. I think that some trips are better suited for a girly holiday and that it’s nice to also spend quality time with other important people in my life. There are enough destinations to go round all of my favourite people.
So if you’re thinking of chucking your partner in because they don’t love travel as much as you, don’t be so quick to listen to those Facebook commenters. It can work if you both want it to…
Does your partner love travel as much as you? What are your thoughts?